My Next Victim or My One and Only

Whoever and wherever you may be. I look forward to meeting you or I am proud to have you in my life. But I just wanted to let you know if you don’t already know that I don’t half ass things in my life… especially love. So if or when you love me, I’m the one who loves hard. So if or when you love me, I’m going to love you deeply and only you. Unlike most of the people in this generation… I know how to love the “right way”. I love like no other and when or if I do love you I will change your life, if you are able to digeste it.

No relationship is easy. I’m going to test you. You can test me too. I just want to see if you are even worth the time. If you are worthy of my love. My version of loving the “right way” includes and requires loving equally. I have loved a lot of people who could not match my love. Which is fine, pain means strength and knowledge of what and who I want. I know love can be one of the best things we have in this lifetime. I don’t want perfect, I want honest. But are you willing to risk getting hurt and take chances for the relationship we deserve? I know I am, in hopes you can love me back.

In loving you the “right way”, I give the absolute best of myself and cannot fear pain. You can say “I will never hurt you” but love is a gamble and I know this. In a world full of liars, we need to be upfront people. So I am going to do that now. The best quality about me is that I know how to love. With that said I will never intentionally hurt you. Unlike the others in our generation I want us to work. I want to have that relationship like in the movies. I had one once and I know all the challenges we have to face. We need to have trust and faith in each other. I know that means letting your guard down, being vulnerable, and having blind trust in someone.

Let’s talk about what hurt you in the past. I will tell you mine and all the scratches and marks that came with it. I will even tell you every detail of how and why they happened. It is scary I know, I’m not asking you to do that right way but when the time comes and when it does you will love me more for having to endure such pain and still being able to smile. I can teach you to get along and love your carcasses, instead of resenting them. I will except you at your worst and show you how to love someone at their lowest point.

I do not know if I am easy to love due to my value of love. I am very sheltered. I don’t trust a lot of people. I know it has nothing to do with you but with my past. I have learned that when you love to easy many people do not know how to return it or respond to it. I love really hard and not even the worst misery can change that.

If you are willing to that risk with me, I assure you it will be worth it. It is going to be a roller-coaster. In a society that communicates to only love with half of our heart, I cannot do so. I’m the girl that takes love to a whole new level. Just a limited of things I must ask for, be patient with me. I am very guarded. Trust me first, then I will start trusting you. I am not an easy person to love but if or when you do, I will love you deeper then no other and I will teach you to love better.

The One Who Likes To Be Benched

I love you so much! Okay, now that is said. You are the most beautiful, smart, outgoing, free-spirited, crazy, loud, aggravating, and annoying person I ever met. I had a pleasure entering your life and becoming a big part of your life. I have shared the most important love in my life. Softball. We have shared amazing crazy and fun moments. Our car rides to my games and back home were so creative and inappropriate. Your mom catered to me and made me gain thousand more pounds and then danced them all off with me. We started claiming each other. Just to show how much our friendship has grown. Thank you for having my back and being the only real friend this past year. You are seriously the one of the few people I can be myself with. You have seen literally all sides of me and you love all of me. I honestly don’t think I can live without you bugging the hell out of me and I love you so much Montoya.

My Rules for a Happy Marriage

1.      Never both be angry at the same time.

2.      Never bring up mistakes of the past.

3.      Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

4.      If one of you has to win an argument let it be your mate.

5.      If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.

6.      Neglect the world rather than each other.

7.      Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

8.      At least once a day trying to say one kind or complimentary thing to your partner.

9.      When you have done something wrong be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

10.  It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.  

The Visit from an Old Friend

One day he is going to stubble across your Instagram page and see that you are doing real well. You received that promotion. You just purchased that new car. He notices that you are smiling just like he remembers you used to do for him. Then he is going to find himself about a hundred and twenty five weeks in on your page and see that you are doing really good. He is going to try to hit you up and your number is going to be changed. He is going to try to email you and that is going to be changed too. Then he is going to show up at your old house but finds out that love doesn’t live there no more and a hater at your job is going to give him your new address and he is going to pop up there. You are going to answer the door. You are going to look at him and say “what are you doing here?” He is going to tell you “I’m here to get you back.” You are going to look him in the eye and say “It’s too late.” He is going to try to push the door open and you are going to have a pregnant stomach. When he looks at your stomach and sees your hand. He will notice that you have a ring on your finger. Your husband is going to call you from the other room. “Babe is everything alright?” You are going to respond “Yeah just an old friend.” Your husband isn’t even going to come out and bother with you because he trusts you. That is when you turn to your ex and say “It’s too late.”

Love/Leave

Don’t get it twisted.

Just because I love you doesn’t mean I can’t love you from a far. I can love you far enough from your arms where you can’t hurt me in the process. I don’t have to hate you to leave you. I just have to know that you are not the right person for me. I don’t need that unnecessary hurt in my life.

Are you thinking that love is just enough? I realized that in second grade that I needed more. I need somebody that can communicate, that had kindness, lone suffering, that was patient.

Are you willing to do that?  If not, don’t hold on to the fact that I say I love you as a card to say that I am going to put up and tolerate things less than from what i deserve. I don’t have to be right here to love you. UNDERSTAND THAT!  

Unfaithful Guys

How do you get to run around single but I am still supposed to act like your girlfriend? Why do I have to sit through your “hoe” phase because you are not ready to be a REAL BOYFRIEND! How do you get to text other girls but when I text other guys I am a hoe? Saying that it’s only us talking but you have me looking dumb on the low. Falling asleep on the phone with other girls.

Oh and your Instagram is the easiest way to get you caught up. Leaving heart eyes under all the other girls’ pictures. So when I fall back and get over you, you pick up the phone and call back. Then you have the nerve to ask “Babe why you acting so different?” “Why did you stop texting me?” “Why don’t you believe nothing I say?” It’s because you are not legit and you are full of shit and I am not trying to get played.

I am not going back and forth with these guys but saying that you love me. That is a fat lie. Go on and simmer down. I am not trying to hear that nonsense.

3-17-16

It has been one year since He has taken you. I always imagine how different life would be if you were here. I know that you would have been spoiled and loved like no other. I have read a prayer every 17th of the month because I know that you are not here physically but you are alive spiritually.   

Dear Little One…

May your little footsteps set upon a lifetime journey of love

May you wake each day with His blessings and sleep each night in His care

And as you grow older

May you always walk in his tender love

This prayer was given to my mom when she was pregnant with me. She always kept it in my room. I thought it was just for decoration until I experienced you. This tragic day replays in my head every day. You were taken from me before I even got to know of you. I never thought I would love someone I have never met. I know that you are living in paradise watching down, protecting your dad and I. I know that when the time comes we will be together again. Trust me love we wish you were here. Happy Birthday My Guardian Angel.